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    October 31

    把你想得壞一點 張小嫻

    因為忘不了,所以我們寧願把那個人想得壞一點。
    愈是把他想得好,只會愈難受。那麼,倒不如把他想成一個背信棄義的大壞蛋。
    只要把他想得壞一點,便能釋放自己一分。這麼壞的人,不值得愛,不值得留戀,更不值得別人為他傷心。
    於是,連許多年前的舊帳也翻出來了。
    那年那月,他不是這樣對我嗎?他對我一點都不好。還有,那一年,他不是傷過我心嗎?
    他並不是那麼愛我。
    我這麼好,他那麼壞,他是配不起我的。
    我甚至在無法成眠的夜裡在電話裡把他痛罵一頓,批評他是個自私的討厭鬼,他從來沒有愛過我。可是,掛斷電話之後,我並沒有好過點,反而更思念他。
    我們努力把一個人想得壞一點,卻又發現他沒有那麼壞,他其實是很好的。
    為了讓自己捨得,寧願把一切塗黑,結果卻在塗黑的時候看見了永遠抹不掉的色彩,無論如何也捨不得。
    我們狠狠地說過去的年月是浪費青春,心裡卻擁抱著那段人生最美好的歲月。
    原來,把自己深愛的人想得那樣壞,只會更捨不得他的好。想徹底去恨的時候,才發現自己愛得那樣不成器。

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